🎀This morning I had a little writing bug. For the first time in months, I picked up a writing journal, and wrote something. Something more personal, something real, something that I felt at the moment.
(I’ll write it out at the end of this blog post)
🎀Writing this blog has allowed me to find my voice.
🎀I used to have a poetry Instagram account, while I was going through a separation and court battles and law school and being alone with a two year old, and, and, and AND!
🎀It was angry, it was raw, it was hurt.
🎀The more I write, the easier it gets to express myself. The same goes with speaking up. The more I speak about MY experiences, MY thoughts, MY opinions – the closer I get to what I believe in – and the closer I get to who I AM.
🎀It makes one wonder how objective our perception of reality really is.
🎀In fact, I’m more and more certain that reality is completely subjective. The sense of community is driven by the self wanting to connect to another self. That gives us some kind of meaning.
🎀That’s why feeling alone happens often – especially when you’re an introvert like me. You’re caught up in this subjective reality and you forget to belong in a community. It could be quite alienating.
🎀So the goal is to express the self. Let the self come out. OR, as I mentioned in my instagram account earlier – it’s about coming as you are. WHICH IS the most difficult thing to do! Authenticity is difficult. But it is what drives the self to meaning.
🎀Let’s go over a little recap of my week:
- I did not wake up at regular hours. It has been detrimental to my work out schedule and my healthy life style.
- I did spend time with my family. My grandmother especially – and it feels great! Love for family is so important.
- I MADE time for a friend that I have not seen in a long time. That was really nice as well.
- I worked on my relationship.
- I worked on myself – trying to be more in control of my negative thoughts.
- I also had two days where I couldn’t find energy for anything. Some sort of depression or anxiety hit me. I actively tried to stay on top of seeing the good – detaching from negative thoughts.
- I had to then deal with the guilt of NOT working out, or NOT feeling healthy. ACCEPTING that sometimes it doesn’t go well. That it’s okay.
- I was not as on top of taking care of my home this week. I let it go a little. I tried not to get too negative about that.
- I MEAL PREPPED on Sunday!
🎀What I want to work on for the next week:
- FIRST: organize a schedule and get all the little things done, that need to be done.
- SECOND: Read every night before bed for 30 minutes – to decompress – and to disconnect.
- THIRD: not get anxious about the medications, and the doses I’m taking. Accept it.
- FOURTH: Keep being true to myself. Keep my voice alive. Believe in myself.
- FIFTH: Wake up at 6 AM for my workouts every day.
- SIXTH: Spend quality time with my daughter + start organizing her 6th birthday party!
🎀Now I will share my little writing spree of the morning with you girls!
🎀 Here it goes!🎀
There are things that I keep, like my daughters first school bag
or her first tooth.
She has no idea that I collect parcels of her childhood, so that she
remembers to see the good.
Unlike me, who keeps memories of
the blows of deception,
and the punches a man put me through; of
paralyzing abandonment issues, and
lonely family dinners.
I keep those memories,
I keep them in behaviors, in thoughts, in actions
and in words.
But I also keep memories of flowers, of
laughter that vibrates the innermost nerves
of the mind.
I keep love in my pocket, and take it out
when I feel safe.
Recently, I’ve been trying to build monuments
of strength. Each brick as solid as
the next, as solid as those memories,
And etched in behaviors.
One day, I will stop building these kinds of
One day, time will have danced
through the years of building – and I’ll
go for a walk beyond the gates of the
cities I’ve built.– Miss Bow
🎀That’s all. I never like what I write. But it comes from somewhere that never stops flowing. Sometimes it’s good. Sometimes it’s bad. All is in the eye of the beholder.
🎀I wish you all a great week!